As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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