we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
