hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dicks are not precious.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you