I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
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I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have already put on my inside pants.