I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work