Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming