Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.