if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.