Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is