well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
