Don't you send me to vm
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
