I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
