I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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