My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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