I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
