Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
