she smelled like a LAN party
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
