Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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