Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
