If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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