happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
