i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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