Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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