Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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