The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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