Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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