just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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