I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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