im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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