Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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