dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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