i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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