Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
