I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
