I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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