Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
