he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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