had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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