I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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