My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
