The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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