And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How's work?
Spinning.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
