I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
