I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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