You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
