I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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