if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
