I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
