dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
