Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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