I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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