I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it hurts more in the daytime
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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