sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
