Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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