Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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