Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
