So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
