I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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