Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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