I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
