i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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