Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
