I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
