I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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