SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
