And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
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Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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