i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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