the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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