you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Vodka?
Forever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
