Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
